5 Metal Phases of Grief
CONTENT WARNING: Suicide
By now we all know the 5 Stages of Grief developed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in 1969 — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. But what happens after we cycle out of the these 5 stages?
The first time I experienced grief as an adult was when I lost a loved one to suicide. This was not the first suicide loss I had experienced but it was the one that changed my life forever. After the initial shock, I spent 3 years grieving over the loss while cycling through the Kuber-Ross 5 Stages of Grief. Eventually, I cycled out of the Kubler-Ross but that did not mean the grief was no longer there.
Grief showed up in other ways like the the loss of the life I once knew.
I gained excessive weight through substance abuse to disconnect from my body. I used casual sex as a way to avoid intimacy. I trauma-bonded with unhealthy people and put myself in dangerous situations. I grieved over the person that I was becoming but did not know yet.
I learned that the non-death or post-death loss I was experiencing did not fit into the 5 Stage of Grief. As a Western society, we typically associate the emotion of grief with deaths or dying. But grief is a human experience that occurs every second of the day. Grief is an experience that comes with any loss, and the feeling of loss is complex. Loss can make us feel melancholy but it can also be an empowering, joyful, and funny experience.
Grief is not only an emotion. It is a human experience.
The Metal element is associated with this experience of Grief. We see the physical manifestation of the Metal Grief in the autumn season as the leaves change color and fall, and as the day begins to get shorter. As a clinician and facial analysis reader, I see non-death related Grief with people who are ending a relationship, processing a divorce, experienced a miscarriage, feeling “stuck” in a career, being unhappy with the city they live in, or the loss of their youth — physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
The 5 Metal Phases of Grief stems from the Daoist philosophy of the Metal element, and its ability to soften, refine, and transform into the wisdom of beauty.
Unlike the 5 Stages of Grief, the 5 Metal Phases of Grief does not occur without intentional alignment. Transforming grief into wisdom is a choice, and this choice is reflected on our face. Processing Grief is a painful experience that changes the physical features of our face. During my grieving experience, my face created new lines underneath my eyes and my forehead. These lines disappeared as I began to transform my grief into wisdom.
We see Grief that has not been transformed on many people’s faces. They carry the heaviness of their loss on their face. Over time, this heaviness changes the shapes of their facial features, creates new lines, and ultimately, changes the way they experience life and the relationships they develop. They move away further from their purpose. But when we choose to transform our Grief into wisdom, we make a commitment to realign with our Dao. We step into the unknown and surrender.
Grief is an invitation to realign with the Golden Path — our Destiny — and to rediscover the face that we are meant to have in this lifetime.
This commitment is challenging but it is also the most beautiful human experience. Our face begins to transform and we see the beauty of our Original Face take shape. The wisdom we gain from transforming our Grief reminds us that we are the sole narrator of our story — the story that is told through the beautiful features of our face.
Learn more about the 5 Metal Phases of Grief.
